


Jeremy's Second Controller

by Disastrous Denizen (JoTambles), JoTambles



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Eventual Romance, Gen, riends takes care of boyf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-03-02 20:07:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18818086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoTambles/pseuds/Disastrous%20Denizen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoTambles/pseuds/JoTambles
Summary: “Hey Michael, does the thing where you stand up and can’t see for a second because everything goes black for a second like the old MineCraft waking up animation happen to you too?”Jeremy Heere didn't seem quite alright.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> :) nnnot? specifically? a ventfic? but there's a lot of projection onto Jeremy  
> Also, trigger warning in general for eating disorders and more specifically their symptoms, just in case

“Hey Michael, does the thing where you stand up and can’t see for a second because everything goes black for a second like the old Minecraft waking up animation happen to you too?”

Jeremy had a reason to ask this, he swears, he just didn’t actually know what his reason was, only that it was there.

Michael looked over at Jeremy, suddenly concerned. “Are you good, Jer?”

There wasn’t actually a reason to be concerned in Jeremy’s mind, it was only maybe half a minute at most when it happened, even if it did happen every time he switched from not-standing to standing. Not that bad.

“Yeah, I’m cool, why, is that not normal?” Michael’s worries stare answered his question wordlessly. “Oh, well shit.” He paused, visibly shrugging as if to shrug off any worry or concern, before starting again. “Eh, it’s probably nothing. So anyways, I’m guessing you heard of that one thing with uh probably Josh?”  
——————————  
Jeremy, despite denying concern while walking with Michael, was now slightly terrified, if for a twisting of the original reason. He had noticed Michael’s sudden level of anxiety that seemed to be stemming from Jeremy’s question, and desperately hoped his suspicions were incorrect. His suspicions that Michael knew, that he had figured it out. His suspicions that Michael had deduced what Jeremy was hoping he had been being discreet and secretive enough about. His suspicions that Michael Mell knew about his eating disorder.

Luckily or not, depending on perspective, Michael had not deduced that Jeremy had an eating disorder. However, he had managed to deduce that something had been different about Jeremy, and was in fact planning to figure out what changed his friend. After all, why wouldn’t he? He did care.  
——————————  
When he started paying closer attention, Michael started to notice more and more things that seemed unusual. Him tending to fidget more than usual. How often he forgot his lunch. How often he barely had anything with him when he did remember. How little Jeremy would eat. How when Michael did try and get him to eat more, he’d deny vehemently and potentially skitter away if Michael left even a bit of a chance.  
How tired Jeremy seemed. How little he seemed to talk, seeming to constantly be zoned out. How over time, Jeremy seemed to be getting smaller and smaller, bit by bit. How Jeremy denied compliments with more fighting spirit than he normally would’ve, generally using some form of acceptance or light denial in the past but nothing this severe.  
He noticed how terrible Jeremy’s focus had become, how he seemed to constantly pause for a second after standing up like he was grounding himself. Michael noticed all this. 

Slowly, slowly but surely, he did start to piece things together.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things thought left unsaid can be known in other ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update, my motivation towards this fic and its subject matter wasn't there for a bit, but now I finally have an update AND some warnings!
> 
> Trigger warnings for General Anorexia and Eating Disorder stuff, and Specific Calorie Counting, and I think that's it but please notify me if otherwise!
> 
> ALSO!! PLEASE if you're one of those kinds of people don't read this fic to worsen your mental state, you deserve recovery, stay safe!

It was a new day, but still a routine day. As a part of this routine, Michael and Jeremy were walking back home from school. As another part of this routine, Michael and Jeremy were holding a conversation. It was normal, until Michael brought up something that wouldn’t usually come up.

He asked Jeremy if he had eaten that day.

“Yeah, of course I have?” Jeremy said, considering the fact that technically, the 150 calories of yogurt he ate was food. It wasn’t like he was lying. He had eaten. A bit. Too much. Michael wouldn’t agree it was too much, but Jeremy knew, and so he wouldn’t voice that little thought and bring up the disagreement he knew would occur. “Why do you ask?”

“Just… curious? A bit… worried?” Michael was honest in his response, or at the very least more accurate than Jeremy. They both had left details out, but what was a few left-out words in the end? 

“Well, don’t worry about it, I’m fine, Michael,” said Jeremy, deflecting suspicion with just enough unintentional formality that he simply sounded more suspicious.

The two kept walking, both trying to ignore the silence that had fallen over the both of them. They stopped in front of Michael’s house and parted with a quick farewell, as Michael went inside and Jeremy continued walking.

When Jeremy got to his house, he kept walking. Sure, he put his bag down and grabbed a couple of things first, but he kept walking. Walking was efficient enough but walking wasn’t too suspicious, right? He could always say he was trying to focus and though the fresh air would help. He was distracted anyways, of course, but that’s what he could say.

Somewhere, at some point roughly three-quarters of a mile away from Jeremy’s home, he finally stopped. Granted, he did this only to turn around and begin to walk back to his “starting point” of the front door. He returned to the starting point, and went to grab his backpack before heading inside. There was, however, one problem. 

Jeremy’s backpack wasn’t where he had left it.

While under normal circumstances such a scenario wasn’t at all good anyways, Jeremy was a bit more panicked than others. After all, there were things he kept within his bag. Things he would be highly against others finding. Things like, to provide an example, his Ana Journal.

After all, if someone were to read it, and then were to trace it back to him, that would surely be disastrous. If someone were to trace it back to him, he could be mocked. He could be discovered, pitied, or as he feared the most, he could be forced into recovery. That would be the last possible thing Jeremy would want. And yet, if someone who “cared” about him found out, that was what he could be forced to do. And so, he panicked.

Especially considering the fact that his best friend Michael Mell was walking towards him with a dark blue notebook in his hand. Jeremy recognized that book. And evidently, Michael recognized what the notebook meant.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy runs from his problems, quite literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sort of a short filler chapter that I'll probably rewrite and edit one day, because I'm still too afraid to write very much for Michael. Also, sorry I'm not very consistent in my updates, I will be trying to improve on that in the future.
> 
> Warning for Jeremy's anxiety, which may be triggering? Warning just in case

Jeremy had his keys, right? That had been something he grabbed from his bag, his keys hadn’t been stolen, right? He could just, just grab the keys, grab them and, and walk into the house, and that would, that would get him out of the situation if he moved quickly enough, right? Yeah, yeah that plan could work as long as he had his keys, they’d be in, they’d be in most likely his pocket, he just had to grab them, Jeremy was rummaging through his pockets now looking for his keys, he usually put them in one pocket but maybe they were in the other? He was checking his pockets, but an issue was starting to arise. 

Namely, he didn’t have his keys. 

Meaning, he had left them in his bag, which was now apparently was with Michael. He didn’t have any sort of escape method that wasn’t incredibly suspicious. Here’s the thing though, he’d much, much rather seem suspicious than have this question with, of all people, Michael. So, he bolted.

He had a good knowledge of not only the rough outline of the neighborhood, but also more specific potential obstacles that could be used to his advantage. Jeremy was mentally running a yard or two ahead of his physical form. Jeremy’s physical form, however, seemed around 3.7 yards ahead of Michael.

To Michael’s credit, he was doing well, better than most would have, seeing as he had began to pick up on how Jeremy would most likely form a route. However, there was still the occasional moment where he was caught off-guard, slowing him down just enough for Jeremy to ensure his own out-of-reach-ness. 

Another advantage Michael had over Jeremy, he had not just walked two and a half miles. He was, as one would expect, less tired. More energetic. So, at one point, Jeremy did have to pause. Mostly because he had just tripped and fallen. In this moment much longer than Jeremy would ever want a moment to be, Michael caught up to him. As much as he knew it would hurt him in the long run to let Michael help, he did anyways. He let Michael help him up, and the two friends stood facing each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I swear I'll write The Scene I set up for in the next chapter but like,,, fight or flight says flight sometimes so,,, Jer Might,,,,
> 
> Also, sorry about the length and lack of dialogue, I was trying to write this in one burst which didn't work as well as it previously has,,,,


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is able to confront Jeremy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god I am terrified to post this  
> Warnings!:  
> Some general eating disorder-y stuff, Squip mentions, talk about one's own worthlessness  
> If there's something else to mention please let me know!

“Jer, are you alright?” 

Of course Michael would be worried about the fall before he brought up, well, everything else. It was sort of odd how Michael cared like that about Jeremy, considering that Jeremy was nowhere near even worth caring about.  
Between his body, everything he had done that had hurt Michael, his shitty personality in general, how much of an anxious wreck he was, and also, oh yeah! The fact that he had an eating disorder and couldn’t even tell his best friend about it, that made it seem rather clear to at the very least Jeremy’s eyes how worthless he was. 

“Jeremy?”  
He hadn’t answered at first, being lost in thought, but might as well, maybe he could make Michael think he was fine after all?

“Yeah, I’m alright, why?”

“You fell, man,” Michael paused, setting up an emphasis. “Hard.”  
Of course, this was true. Of course, Jeremy would downplay its severity.

“I’m good, really, I don’t get why you’re so worried.”

Michael didn’t have a response, dropping Jeremy’s hand, which, oh yeah, he had been holding! How did Jeremy not notice that?

“Well, what about the notebook then?”

Oh god, he remembered about that. Jeremy didn’t know why he wouldn’t, but he still had his hopes.

Jeremy tried to seem more confused than he seemed nervous, unsuccessfully. “What about the notebook? Is something wrong?”

“Jer, this is an eating disorder notebook.” There was no response from Jeremy. “What happened?” Jeremy had still said nothing, looking at something on the ground beyond where Michael stood. “Jeremy, what happened back in…” Michael paused to check something in the front of the notebook, “late November?”

It was in response to this question that Jeremy finally said something.

“Nothing happened.”

“You won’t tell me, Jeremy?” He sounded… genuinely wounded?

“I’m not, uh, not telling you anything, it’s just, there actually wasn’t anything specific that happened. Everything that would’ve been a problem was, uh, over by then, like the Squip and all?”

Michael seemed to be thinking more about the answer than Jeremy, or really anyone, would expect. It seemed he had done something with the answer, but he wasn’t going to voice his theory. At least, not at the moment.

He did have his theory that the Squip had been the indirect cause of Jeremy’s eating disorder, but that was something potentially distress-causing enough he wouldn’t be telling Jeremy about it anytime soon.

“Well,” Michael started again, “can you try and recover? This is really really bad, like, potentially life-threatening bad, and your death isn’t exactly a plus by any means.”

Jeremy considered his friend’s words for a minute before speaking again. “Yeah. Yeah, I can try.”

That doesn't mean he will, and that doesn’t mean that if he does he’ll succeed. It won’t be a very honest sort of “try,” but Jeremy would certainly prefer it that way.

“Also, can I have my keys back? I’m kinda locked out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my god first off The Scene finally happened, second off why did I post this on the same day as the other chapter,,,,
> 
> ALSO SELF CALLOUT FOR DEFLECTING ANGST IMPLYING ENDINGS WITH A COMIC RELIEF LINE?

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the short length, I'm gonna try and make the chapters longer but highkey I'm bad at writing and this is a lot of like,,, exposition and jazz


End file.
